Mental Break down

How could you just leave me like this? Why can’t you just care about something for once in your life? Why can’t you be the guy you were when I met you? What happened? What were you thinking when you lied to me? What were you thinking when you told me you loved me without meaning it? You must know how much I care about you. How can you tell yourself you’ve done no wrong to me? Do you not understand that the things you do hurt me? They do…they hurt me severely. I may glare at you, but I’m only covering my tears. I may ignore you, but I’m always thinking about you. I may try to erase you from my life, but you will always be in my dreams and my memories. I may act like I don’t care, but I do. More than you’ll ever understand. I did break up with you, but only because I couldn’t handle being in love with you. I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t care. But you turned your back on me because you didn’t care…over and over. You only talk to me when you’re in the mood. When you called, I knew I should have not answered the phone. But the only reason why I did, was because I needed to hear your voice…one last time. You probably called me to rub in my face your perfect life. Your perfect world. You had so much to talk about. All I could do was listen. I had nothing to say. I wanted to talk to you so badly, about everything. But I knew you would probably make fun of me. Make me feel worse about myself. So I had to put my guard up. You probably took it as me being rude to you, but it wasn’t like that. I was protecting myself from you. My heart can only take so much. I can’t let you in anymore. I have to keep my distance. You would kiss me to just be able to kiss a decent girl. Nothing special about it for you. But I would kiss you, I did kiss you because I loved you. You are the only one I can imagine kissing right now. Yeah. I’m pathetic. I know. I could probably do so much better than you. Even you thought that. You couldn’t believe I was going out with you. But, I don’t want to do better than you. Something about the way you were made me feel so comfortable with you. I didn’t have to worry about anything. I thought you would be there for me forever. But no, you left me. You are no longer who I thought you were. You’re not any different. You’re just a typical guy, I guess. Such a shame…
Do you ever think about me? Are you really completely over me? I think I can only get over you to a certain extent. It will never be completely. You were my first love. Even if I get married and I have kids and I find my real soul mate, there will always be a part of me that loves you. I love you like a friend, like a brother, and like a boyfriend all at once. Which probably sounds weird, but it’s not. It just means I really, really love you and even though you won’t be there for me, I will always be there for you. Always. I’ll always be waiting for you. I’ll never give this letter to you. Or any of the other ten letters I’ve written to you. They make me realize how much I really need to stop talking to you. You’ll never get it. You’re stupid. You’re stupid in so many awesome ways, but you’re stupid in a really bad way as well. You’re an idiot. That’s the reason why WE didn’t work out. You blew it. Do you still have your blue-button down shirt? Do you still wear Aqua Reef? I hated it when you switched to Pure Sport and Irish Springs. Do you still have the Shiny Toy Guns t-shirt I gave you? Do you still have the Stitch? Can you still do voices? I hope so…
With you…I have to be stone. I have to be as careless and cruel as possible. As careless and cruel as YOU. That’s the only way I can prevent you from shattering my heart. You say I hurt you, you say I shattered your heart. But I didn’t. Because you’re not the one crying for me and writing a letter to me two years later…